In these last remaining days of 2010, I am tempted to slam the door and scream "and don't come back, either!" This has not been a year for the record books, needless to say. Personal and professional crises abounded and I barely had time to recover from one before the next one hit me. It's been a tiring year and I'm ready for 2011. What's remarkable about this time of year is that there's a clear-cut beginning right around the corner. I know it's just a date on the calendar and that the problems of 2010 can easily become the problems of 2011. But this year also presents a real opportunity to reflect on my life and think seriously about what I love and what I want to be different.
To be clear, although this was a difficult year, I am not ungrateful for the opportunities and wonderful things that fill my life. I am well aware that I am lucky. Just the same, I have been turning around a long list of things in my head that I feel I could work on in the coming year. In no particular order:
1. Improve my relationship with my mother. This year was especially difficult in this respect. My mother has struggled for many, many years with alcohol abuse and it has obviously affected our relationship in a million ways. In October she hit a crisis point and decided to get sober and change her life. I think that's amazing and support her efforts 100%. The challenge for 2011 will be to rebuild the trust and mother-daughter relationship that I know we both want. This is a difficult, personal, and painful thing to do and it's not something I relish the idea of sharing. I'm doing it because I know that there are plenty of flaws that I contribute that hold our relationship back and perpetuate the patterns that we have established. I want to think about what I am doing that makes it hard for us to be honest with each other. I think that if we could be open I could be a good source of support for her while she's getting her life back on track. If it stays like this, all we'll have is surface level phone calls where we tell each other that everything's fine.
2. Eat less processed sugar. This is pretty self-explanatory and I know I am not alone with this. I am eating way too much crap and not nearly enough fruits and veggies. In recent weeks I have been making a solid effort to put more good stuff in every meal but I am still reaching far too often for sugary stuff and/or plain carbs. This is going to be a serious pain-in-the butt habit to break, but I know it will be worth it.
3. Find a way to relaunch StoneArch Cakery. This probably conflicts hilariously with the above resolution, but just the same, I really want to get back into making party and special occasion cakes. I had to let the new (ok, infant) business go when my ex-husband and I split because I left the house that we shared. StoneArch was a home-based cake business that was just getting going when we divorced. I have a couple of ideas for ways to make this happen, so stay tuned.
4. Prioritize my life better. This could be renamed "Why is cleaning so high on my list?" Granted, a clean house does make me quite happy, but why do I spend so much time doing it? There must be a way around it. Maybe picking up a little every night? Maybe letting a little more go? What is the answer here? I think this will take a couple of different systems before finding the right one.
5. Be a better friend. There are a million reasons that I am busier than I would like to be (and making myself busy by doing boring crappy stuff like cleaning: see above) but I need to make more time to see the people that make me smile. I hate that I am always saying how long it's been, how we should get together, ect ect. I love my friends and need and want to see them more face-to-face.
6. Get back on the shop ride. Athletic goals are hard because you never know when you'll be injured or crash, or whatever else. In April of 2010 I crashed during a shop ride and really messed up my hip. I haven't been on a serious group ride since because the thought of it makes me a little queasy. I need to get back in a group. I miss riding with my bike friends and improve so much by riding with faster people. No more excuses, this year I will get back on the group ride. Oh, I will also go get the hip xrayed again.
7. Improve my triathlon 5K time and improve my overall 1/2 Iron time at Patriots in September. This is going to mean speed work, which I hate. I am a total cardio junkie and hate speed work and weight training. Let's just say I need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. It's good for the soul. Embrace pain. I got this.
Ok, that's enough for now. I think that ought to get me started. Suggestions and comments are welcome and I look forward to getting this plan underway.
